Preparation and the first question: what is waiting to be created?

I think Julia Cameron's Artist's Way has a better hit on the Morning Pages.  You do it every day, it's a stream of consciousness activity, not meant for publication.  Our "wild heart" coach has us asking the same tired old questions, and this is what my conscious stream replied:

This exercise is so.....unnecessary.....for me.  I get the need to throw away the thoughts that keep you from creating, but rules are not the problem.  Editing - periods - commas- mis-spellings - I can edit as I go without feeling like it's blocking me.  It's part of my process, and it doesn't get in the way.  It is a critical voice that I trust and value.

So what does hold me back?  Partly, it's reading other people's words - feeling envy or dismay... I'll never be that good, or I don't have ideas worth sharing, or "they need an editor!"  There are so many words, so many photographs, so much out there, both good and bad.  What is the point of adding to the stew?

Okay, so stone soup is the reason.  I - they - we all add to it and it's better.  I get that, I get that creativity and research are communal activities... but I'd be cilantro in the minestrone:  good in and of itself, but in the wrong place,  the wrong flavor.  Not just unnecessary, but actually deleterious.

These are the rules that hold me back:

Eat certain foods.  Meditate.  Breath.  Write. Exercise. Photograph, then PROCESS.  Practise your arts and crafts.  Hone your skills.  Write through the blocks, practise your violin.  DO IT ALL.  EVERYD DAY. Start, go, stop, throw it away, but...  what have I accomplished? 

I am busy all day, but what am I busy with?  What's the point of the activity?  Am I growing?  Practising?  Creating? I am taking up spacing, livng.  I know inside that the process of creating is what brings me joy, but I also want it to be good, worthwhile.  I want it to be more than a better use of time than playing scrabble or online puzzles.

I also don't want to do the prep work, buying supplies, gathering them, setting them out, thinking about them.  I don't want to add cilantro to the stew or throw it away because I can't use it.  I am impatient, I am critical.

That being said, there is so much waiting to be created, so much music to enjoy.  I have my NaNoWriMo novel to finish, my haiku/photo book to explore.  I have photos to post-process, music to learn.  It's all waiting, and I look at my day and say....maybe tomorrow.  Meanwhile, I take more photographs, write more whines, sight-read duets without working at them.  I do the easy thing, I don't finish anything.  So, what is waiting to be created?  Everything and nothing.